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Evolved Mommy | May 3, 2015

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First World Problems - Evolved Mommy

First World Problems
First world problems: Mustard yellow and grey bathroom

Am I going to like mustard yellow long enough to buy curtains or is this just a fall 2011 thing?

At the beginning of summer we made a decision to turn off the news because we couldn’t think of a single reason that we *need* to watch the news every night, and all it was doing was adding unnecessary stress. There’s nothing we can do today as a family to turn around the world economy or to make everyone be nice. Why were we ingesting this information then?

You know what? It’s been absolutely freeing. I have no idea what’s going on in the world. Okay, well that’s not entirely true. I do still listen to NPR most days, but I turn it off when it gets contentious.

The other day I saw this tweet:

Injustice facts tweet

And I realized we really do have it pretty good. Maybe in America we are an average ho-hum family, but relatively speaking that’s a pretty good thing.

We don’t go to bed hungry and we don’t worry about bombings in the streets outside our home. There are no fighter jets overhead. No military presence on our streets.

Suddenly the things I worry about seemed trite. I definitely have first world problems.

For example, here are the things that occupy my brain on an average day:

  • It’s so hard to have expensive taste on a budget. Pretty sure I was meant to be filthy rich and live in the Hamptons. Can’t be certain, though.
  • Can I justify a $300 bag by saying quality matters? And how do I decide between Dooney & Bourke,  Badgley Mischka and 3.1 Phillip Lim?
  • I have had more headaches in the last six months than I’ve had in my entire life. Is it the weather? Or, more interestingly, I’ve only started taking prescription headache medicine in the last six months. Is the medicine causing more headaches? Sneaky pharmaceutical companies. Wouldn’t put it past them.
  • How long will I love mustard yellow? Is this a fall 2011 trend or is it here long enough to buy curtains?
  • “Baby Got Back” by Sir-Mix-A-Lot has been stuck in my head for two days, only briefly interrupted by “Shoo Fly. Don’t Bother Me.” The more annoyed I get with the looping “Baby Got Back” serenade by my brain the louder it is. Does this happen to other people? Am I crazy? If so, can I go to one of those luxury rehab places? I’d like six months at a Palm Springs resort please, but only if it’s covered by my insurance.
  • Steve just told me pigs have more feelings and memories than dogs. I don’t want to eat pork anymore. But pepperoni is so delicious. If only I could think of the pigs when I order pizza. But usually I can’t think of anything but the delicious pizza.
  • Safari is running sooooo slow on my MacBook since I installed the Lion OS. It’s a blessing in disguise, though, because now I’ve discovered how wonderful Firefox is.
  • Step class is hard.
  • What if someone else brings grapes to playgroup? Should I bake something? No, that’s too much work. I’ll bring carrots.
  • I should write more often. Maybe I’ll stay up until 10:30 instead of going to bed at 10:00.
  • We need butter. I should go to Ozark Natural Foods. It’s so far for just the one thing, though. I don’t want to ingest fat-building hormones. I’ll go tomorrow.

See. Ridiculous. Honest, though.

What are your first world problems.





  1. Jennifer, I know exactly where you are coming from and I’m pretty sure there are no “diets” in 3rd world countries. How ridiculous are we?!

  2. Jennifer Garner Calvert

    And I totally forgot to mention I sometimes starve myself on purpose because in my warped first world mind, I always think I’m too fat and that my body deserves the punishment. Most people eat to live and I live to eat…surely a first-world condition.

  3. facebook_Jennifer Garner Calvert.100000356131748

    I haven’t watched the news in over six months either and the song in my head was Push It by Salt n Peppa but now its Baby Got Back….thanks. ;) And Lion has slowed down my iMac too and I can’t get used to the natural scrolling thing with my mouse. I know I could change it back to the old way, but I’m trying to embrace technology instead of holding on to old ways of doing things. And I look at the walls in my house and wonder if, in 10 years, its going to date my house like the olive appliances from the 70’s dated houses. Not sure if any of this will makes you feel any better. Are we first-world normal or just the same kind of first world crazy? :-)

  4. Shannon

    good post

  5. I have also had more headaches in the last six months than ever before! I chalk it up to having two kids that give me tension headaches every day. And yes, I get songs from The Fresh Beat Band stuck in my head for days. Or songs from the Disney channel teen videos. Drives me crazy…okay, sometime I like them. And dance to them in private.
    I also have First World problems like I am so embarrassed that our front lawn always looks dead and lifeless, but I have two kids so who is going to garden? Nobody. Or I want a new car because I have had the same one since 2003 and I want that new car smell again instead of rotting toddler snacks and spilled coffee. Or, my husband and I haven’t been on a vacation since our honeymoon because we haven’t been able to afford it and that makes me sad. Or, I can’t keep up with the laundry because my kids and husband have so many clothes! Hey, wait a minute. Why don’t I have so many clothes?
    First world problems.

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