Home: Home off The Range - Evolved Mommy
On Monday of last week I told my husband I knew something wonderful was about to happen. Later that same day I was driving to lunch with a new friend whom I had recently connected with at WordCamp Fayetteville when I had the same feeling and repeated the same words. I just knew something magical was going to happen that week.
A little over three years ago I moved to this small town suburb of a small town to start my life with Steve. At the time it seemed like an adventure. It also seemed like we wouldn’t live here long. The agreement was to sell my condo in Little Rock, sell his house and buy a great place “in town.” Well, after the condo sat on the market for over a year, as did his house, a new baby came into our lives and we realized we had to pay off a huge amount of debt, plans changed.
Hopelessness then guilt then more hopelessness
Feelings of hopelessness have haunted me for these three years. I’ve felt like we would live with this thirty minute drive through a ridiculous speed-trap town and long cow pastures forever. The feelings of hopelessness were occasionally relieved by overwhelming feelings of guilt for feeling hopeless when at least I have a roof over my head, two cars, a handsome husband and a spirited, beautiful daughter.
Who the frick am I to complain?!
Living the Holiday Inn Life
But damn it, I don’t want to live here. Living somewhere that isn’t home is something like living in a hotel for years on end. Now, if that hotel were in Manhattan that would be one thing, but it isn’t. This feels more like a Holiday Inn Express. It’s not dirty (well, it is sometimes dirty), it’s just not home.
So, although all of my friends know that this is not the right place for me, I’ve stuck it out and been somewhat patient. I’ve complained, but there have been fewer than five full-blown feet-stomping tantrums. That’s reasonable, right?
We diligently and methodically paid of our mountain of debt, which I know we would not have been able to do if we lived anywhere but here. Everything happens for a reason. I know this and I believe this, but sometimes I forget it.
By Wednesday of last week (two days after I made those statements about something wonderful happening) I had a job offer (for a job that didn’t previously exist) with my new friend; my husband and I had looked at several houses with our agent; and my spirited, beautiful daughter celebrated her second birthday by playing her heart out at a local park on a gorgeous early fall evening.
Well, guess what world: We’ve made an offer on a house “in town.”
I haven’t asked you for much over the last three years that I’ve had this blog, but I’m asking you now to PLEASE pray that everything works out. I love the house we have found. I love the job I have just accepted with the aforementioned new friend. And I love my life right now.
Please pray that we have more than what we need to cover the mortgage every month. Please pray that I will excel in my new job. And please pray all of these decisions are the right ones.
If I can pray for you please let me know. I’m more than happy to return the favor.
I love you, my readers, with all my heart.