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Acceptance - Evolved Mommy

Acceptance

| On 20, Oct 2013

For the past week or so my mind and spirit have been focused on the word acceptance. It has come up in my personal God time, in church and it has stayed present on my mind. I had no idea that at the end of this week it would become absolutely necessary for me to feel acceptance.

Pregnancy Loss Acceptance

Scarlet, the Acceptance Tree

Prayer
One of the most powerful tools in my spiritual tool kit is the serenity prayer.

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

In his book “The Serenity Prayer”, Trevor Hudson says:

We need all the grace and help and power that God can give. But when we are able to accept what cannot be changed, the seed of peace planted in our hearts begins to germinate and grow. As time goes by, we gain the precious gift of serenity.

People
God knows that I am easily distracted, and He has to present things to me in a creative way in order for me to pay attention.

Sitting in Sunday School last week a couple of sweet ladies from the Healing Touch ministry were sharing how they help people who are sick or hurting through a process that looks very similar to a massage, but also incorporates prayer and channeled energy.

While demonstrating the process on a woman who was mourning the recent loss of her beloved dog, several members of the congregation who have benefited from the Healing Touch ministry shared their stories. One is a well-known local man who was given one year to live on his stage four cancer diagnosis. It’s been four years since that diagnosis.

Another was a grandmotherly woman whose husband was terribly addicted to Oxycontin. He was not at all willing to admit he had a problem or do anything about it. So after many years of marriage she found herself beat down from the exhaustion of trying to care for him all while being on the receiving end of his anger, rage and resentment.

I thought, how in the world could healing touch help this woman? She was not sick or hurting.

It wasn’t a pain that needed healing in her. It was her own perception of her life and what she did and did not have control over.

Healing Touch gave her the gift of acceptance. She stopped fighting her husband, stopped protecting him from the consequences of his actions and accepted that if he continued on this path he would probably die.

He did not get well. In a year he died. And she has accepted that reality.

She said the moment she received the gift of acceptance, an amazing peace washed over her and for the most part remained.

My Painful Acceptance
A few weeks ago Steve and I found out that I was pregnant. We had been having these ridiculous argument over the past few months and struggling with the state of our relationship. We love each other. Why were we having such a hard time?

But when those two pink lines showed up on that pregnancy test it all came into perspective and we were thrilled at this surprising turn of events. The world is much bigger than who forgot to include whom on a calendar event for a school fundraiser.

So I made an appointment for a prenatal visit and started thinking about names and tiny onesies and a bigger car.

Then something happened and I didn’t feel pregnant anymore. The tiredness was gone. The nausea wasn’t there. Something didn’t feel right. The doctor brought is in for an early ultrasound and after a few tense moments found a tiny baby with a heartbeat. We set an appointment for a followup ultrasound a week later and suddenly I felt pregnant again. The tiredness and nausea returned. I touched my belly a lot and prayed for that itty bitty little pea-sized human in there.

This past Friday we went in for the follow-up ultrasound, just sure everything was absolutely fine. It wasn’t. There was no heartbeat. No healthy baby.

I cried.

And cried.

And Cried.

This surely isn’t real. We are normal, healthy people. We’ve had one healthy baby.

But it was real and suddenly I was faced with no other option than acceptance.

Comfort
We all have different tools for coping when these things happen. Because the nature of my introverted (yes, introverted) personality I vaguely turned to Facebook, whom I sometimes consider one big friend with multiple personality disorder.

Most people are more private than I am and would never broadcast a miscarriage at just nine weeks pregnant, but to me not saying something would’ve been like lying to a close friend.

Here’s the thing: do y’all know how many of you have experienced miscarriages? After the private messages, texts, comments and emails I received I’m starting to believe that somewhere around 80% of my friends have had at least one miscarriage.

If you’ve had a miscarriage please know that you do not have to bear that heartbreak alone. Many of your friends, whether you know it or not, have experienced the same and have had to come to accept it as reality.

Here’s the post I put on Facebook, including the touching and supportive comments. My mom is Pat Funk and she rarely comments, but when she does it is powerful.

Scarlet, The Acceptance Tree
We planted a tree because it seemed like a delightfully appropriate thing to do. We chose a Scarlet Oak because it is strong and beautiful (not likely to die) and it makes acorns, which is one of our 4-year-old’s favorite things.

Have you ever had a miscarriage? How did you come to acceptance?

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